I took my sweet girl to get a pedicure tonight, I wanted to do something special with her before school started back up again. She is 9 and starts the 4th grade on Monday, and with 4th grade come a lot of questions. Question like, “When can I start shaving my legs?”, “When can I have a boyfriend?”, “When can I start wearing makeup?”, “When can I highlight my hair?”…. all exciting questions for her as she looks forward to growing up just a little bit more.
But, for me…well, it triggers something that’s not quite excitement. My chest begins to tighten, my heart rate begins to quicken, I can feel sweat beading up my forehead as my breathing becomes shallow. I am feeling sheer and utter panic. How could this have happened? I feel much like she probably did this summer when I took her on her very first BIG roller coaster. I remember sitting next to her, and asking her if she was ready much like she’s asking me now with all of her questions. All I hear is, “Are you ready, mom?”
And again, I sound much like she did on that roller coaster. “No, no I am not ready!” “Is it too late to get off of this thing?” “I think I can wait until next year.” “I think I’m going to be sick!”, “Please put me back on the ground…” you know, right wear I am safe in the land of single digits.
Yep, I sound just like her, because this is my first time on this roller coaster. She probably even said a quick prayer in her head as we reached the top of that first hill of that roller coaster, much like I am right now.
“Dear God, (click, click, click)
Please help me get through this. (clickety, clack)
I am so scared, and I need you right now. (click….click)
Surround me with your angels–because I think I am for sure going to need a few. (cliiiiccck)
Ok, ok. I promise to read my Bible every single day if you just let us both live through this……”
So, here I sit at the top of this roller coaster hill, holding on for dear life, wishing like crazy I could just get off of this thing, climb back down and snuggle in bed all day with my sweet little girl. But, just like that ruthless roller coaster, I can’t. There is no turning back.
Ready or not.
This is her right before she got on the roller coaster. 😉