Welcome Grayson

Hi everyone and Happy Thursday!   (warning: very long post with several pictures)

It has been a wild & crazy few weeks–and I am glad to be FINALLY posting!  Thank you to those of you who dropped me an email or facebook message to check on me, it really meant a lot to me.

We are home and getting settled- and with the help of my friend Jessica from Homespun Elegance, we should be back to our normal blogging schedule after the long weekend! YAY!!

But, for now a brief update on what’s been going on.   I was struggling with some preeclampsia and/or HELLP symptoms around 33 weeks of my pregnancy.  The doctor put me on bed rest, which meant i could only get up for about 10 minutes at a time….that left little to no room for crafting.  especially since my studio is downstairs.  It killed me not being able to do anything–craft, go to Target, even cleaning & organizing. But, I knew we needed to keep our little guy in for as long as possible.

My doctor had planned on inducing me at 37 weeks exactly -but, then at 36 weeks my symptoms started to get worse- and I got a headache that would not go away.  So, the team of doctors decided it was best to go ahead and induce me then- on May 9th.

They started me on cervidil to soften my cervix, since I was only dilated 1 cm.  We did this for 12 hours, or thru the night.  Of course I didn’t sleep because I was uncomfortably in a hospital bed, hooked up to various things.  Since I have a history of hemorrhaging in the past, they also gave me an extra iv for a ‘just in case’ blood transfusion.  The build up of stress and anxiety was huge for both Mr. Pink & I- as we tried to shield our other 2 kids from the stress.  My parents came into town to take care of them, and we were ready to induce full force on May 10th at around 8:30 am.  As we waited for the pitocen to do it’s job, I laid in bed and ordered the last few things I needed for our new baby from Amazon.  I hadn’t been allowed to go shopping for the past 3 weeks-and there were still some things we needed.  🙂

My sweet nurse (seriously the BEST labor nurse in the world) even brought me some toast and peanut butter when I told her I was starving.  Typically doctors don’t like you to eat–but, this momma hadn’t eaten in way too long and I needed something.  They kept turning up the pitocen, and about 1:00pm my parents left to go get some lunch and pick up our other kids from school.

Just after 1:00 I felt like I needed to push- so I called our nurse into the room-   she checked and started getting things ready.  At 1:30, the doctor came in and it was time to push.  One of our concerns at 35 weeks was that the cord was wrapped around our little guy’s neck.  They were going to play it by ear, and hopefully all would go well.  In the middle of pushing, I had to stop so the Dr. could unwrap the cord from his neck.  It was wrapped around twice. At 1:58 Grayson was born.  We didn’t have a name for him at first, because we wanted to really see him and when we did–we knew Grayson was the name for him.

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He was 7lbs 6 oz and 20.5 inches long–with so much hair. The kids and my parents arrived literally minutes after Grayson got cleaned up. 🙂

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Everything seemed fine, and he was perfect.  But, when we tried to nurse his O2 levels kept dropping.  The same happened when he took a bottle or a had a tube put down his throat for food.  So, they took him to the NICU that evening.  My heart was breaking.  I had barely gotten to hold him.

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After they got him set up in the NICU we were able to go to his room- where he was hooked up to all sorts of monitors. We were not allowed to hold him the first night.  The 2nd day we were only allowed to hold him to nurse and connected to all of the monitors.  All I wanted to do is be close to our precious new baby–and we seemed restricted by everything.  It was hard for the other 2 kids to really understand what was going on.  It was still hard for me to understand.  That same day I was being discharged from the hospital, but Grayson was not.  This was also Mother’s Day.  Never would I have imagined I’d spend Mother’s Day in the NICU with my 3 kids.  This was a really hard day for me…

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Though we couldn’t hold him, we touched him as much as we could– to let him know we were there.

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Grayson was the BIGGEST preemie on the floor– and yet it didn’t matter because his suck/swallow reflex was not developed enough, effecting his breathing. The monitors kept going off, leaving both Mr. Pink & I on edge.  Some nurses were amazing and some were not…leaving us feeling helpless and like I had no idea what I was doing.

How could I have forgotten how to be a mom?  I hadn’t.  But, in those moments of complete weariness I was convinced I knew nothing.

Every single day was a roller coaster – we’d have a good feeding or a good report and then the very next feeding/report would be bad.  We felt like we were never going to get to leave.  We had to measure everything he ate-  and it had to be exactly what the dr. ordered.  Since I was not giving up on  nursing– that sometimes meant that the nurse would draw whatever he ate back out of his stomach to measure it, and then put it back in.  It was heartbreaking to watch.

On the 4th day, we were told we could put clothes on him–the first time he’d be dressed.  It felt so good to feel like we were doing normal baby things.  We both cried tears of relief or joy…or maybe just exhaustion.

Then the next day we were told we could hold him as much as we wanted- words I had been dying to hear.  As we felt things were looking up- Mr. Pink left to take a nap and a shower.  Luckily, we had good friends and family that helped us keep a normal schedule with the other 2 kids and allowed Mr. Pink to be with me and the baby as much as possible.  We could not have done it without them.

But, when he was gone, I was holding Grayson as his O2 alarms started going off.  They dropped lower than I have ever seen and he started turning blue.  I panicked- because, of all the time we were there no one told us what we were supposed to do in this situation.  The alarms echoed in our room and down the hall, and no one came.  Seconds seemed like hours, and I felt completely helpless. His breathing returned to normal when someone else’s nurse came in finally.  But, in those moments a piece of me finally broke.  A piece of me that I’d been trying to hold together for the older kids, for my husband, for the nurses, for Grayson…for myself.  I sat in that dark room, scared to be alone with my own son, sobbing.

See, they thought it was a nursing/feeding issue.  And, we had seen specialists on swallowing and nursing and whatever else.  No one had any answers–and I just wanted to scream that ALL he needed was to be held.  You don’t get to say that in the NICU.  You feel guilty because other people have sicker babies than you.  You feel stupid because you don’t know what the monitors mean or how bad is very bad.

Well, that day the lactation consultant heard it all from me, between sobs and more sobs.  Then Mr. Pink called to check on me, and I was still sobbing.  He never left my side even for a second after that- because emotionally I didn’t have it together any more.  I needed him.  I needed my baby.  I needed my family to be together.

It was one of the hardest days in my life- one of the nurses thought I should get out and get some fresh air–so, in between feedings I went home to take a shower.  And, I dug out any shred of positive thinking I had buried in me.  Any thread of hope still lying around and I pulled it together enough to put on the same outfit I had planned on taking my baby home in days and days ago.  I packed things as if we were going to come home with our baby the next day and I prayed.

(*PS Thank you for all of YOUR prayers and positive thoughts- the messages we got were so thoughtful and really helped me pull it together. So, thank you!)

The prayers worked because the next morning- the doctor came in and after looking at everything decided that we could be discharged.  We almost didn’t believe our ears. We just had to pass a 90 minute car seat test before we got to go home.  I had stopped feeling hopeful, because every time I did- it was soon taken away from me.  But, he passed with no problem.

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Then I explained to the doctor how apprehensive I was feeling about my mothering instincts because I had been staring at a monitor for so many days.  And, he said what I had been needing to hear all along.  You’re the mom, you’ll know–you’ve done this before, you’ll both be okay.

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We came home- and Mr. Pink and I were still on edge, somehow waiting for an alarm to start blaring.  But, we are settling in, and things are getting back to normal.  Grayson gets held a LOT– but, that’s okay.  When you don’t get to hold your baby right away–you make up for it later. 🙂

We even got in a photo shoot with a talented photographer, Kristi Hall. She was so patient- and great!  I can’t wait to have her take sibling shots in a few week!

Here is our healthy, at home, held-all-the-time, adored-by-his-siblings-and-mom-and-dad, sweet baby Grayson.

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He is all of 7 lbs now, and such a tiny little peanut compared to his siblings who weighted 8lbs 12 oz and 9lbs 4 oz- but, we are all completely in love with him!grayson2

 

Sorry for the LOOONG post–but, I know a lot of you were wondering what was going on!  So, thank you for being patient and hanging in there with me!! Hugs to you all!

 

 

71 thoughts on “Welcome Grayson

    1. What wonderful storytelling and pictures to capture some of the moments. Glad all is well and that you are now home with your little bundle.

  1. I have been following you on facebook and I am so happy everything is ok. Your blog post made me cry, as a mother I can so relate. Gob Bless you and your beautiful family. Hugs.. Lore

  2. Thank you so much, Sarah, for sharing your private and beautiful story with us. I’m so glad little Grayson is finally home with you guys. Enjoy your time with him and your family! 🙂

  3. Prayers do get answered.. i’m a grandma of 6 and must honestly say your little angel is ADOrABLE….. sooo cute. bless your family

  4. He is adorable! What a scary situation. So glad everything worked out so well and that your new bundle of joy is home with his family. Beautiful pics of Greyson. By the way…..love the name! Take care.

  5. Congratulations on your newest addition. Thanks for sharing your heart felt story, it brought tears to my eyes as a mom! Wish all of you the best!

  6. Sarah – so happy for you and your family. Grayson is a beautiful little guy! Thamks for letting us into one of your most personal experiences.

  7. So glad you are both doing well. Of course when it’s your child we can only hold it together so long. He is beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story you gave me goose bumps. xoxo Phyllis

  8. Oh Sarah! Your story just brought me back 8 years! I gave birth to my son at 31 weeks (no fluid) and when he was born, he wasn’t breathing. He had to be intabated and was only 4lbs 1oz. I remember saying he’s not crying and they swooped him away from us. We didn’t get to see him until very later in te evening and didn’t get to hold him until he was 5 days old. IT KILED ME. He was in NICU for 22 days. He had the same issue as your little angel. And those alarms were te worst! Leaving him was like having my heart torn out. I am so happy for you to have your little family all together now! He is PRECIOUS!

  9. I’m so glad he’s home with you and doing better! He is gorgeous, that head of hair is something to behold! 😉 . Enjoy your newest little family member!

  10. Sarah, I am so glad to see Grayson is home safe and sound with you and your family. He is a beautiful baby and you can tell he is loved beyond measure. Congratulations again and God Bless you and your family always.

  11. Sarah,
    I’m glad little Grayson is home now from the hospital. I can totally relate to you and your family. My daugther was born at full term and was in the NICU for 10 days. We were actually packing to move to another state when she was put in the NICU. She totally seemed healthy when born but then her O2 levels dropped and had major jaundice to the point of needing a blood transfusion. It is the hardest thing to sit back and watch your little one in the NICU. I am thankful now my little girl is very spunky and healthy. I wish the same for Grayson. He is a fighter!!! Hugs to you and your family – and glad to hear your getting settled in!!!!

  12. Oh how beautiful!! I’m so glad to hear you brought home a healthy baby boy!
    Wishing you all the best!
    Shelly

  13. He’s so cute. We struggled when our son was in NICU for 3 1/2 weeks. I think the nurses forget sometimes that you are the parents and this is the hardest thing you will have to do with your baby. They just take over. My husband and I were really feeling bad. I’m so glad you got to bring him home and enjoy him.

  14. Sorry you had to go through such scary crazy times at the hospital…but you get through what you got to do! Thank You for sharing what was going on. Happy to hear you are home and settling into a normal mode 😀

  15. aww Sarah he is just the cutest what a beautiful family you have I cried as I read your post I can’t imagine what you and Mr. Pink went through thank the lord he is home now and getting all the love and attention he needs
    Hugs my friend
    Debbie

  16. Thank you for keeping us informed and for sharing those beautiful photos. Congratulations to you and your family. So glad Grayson (great name) is doing much better.

  17. so glad your little family is altogether and Grayson is doing well. i look forward to the photos and the stories to come….God Bless your clan

  18. Sarah, Grayson is just precious. I’m so happy to hear that he is home and that he is doing so much better now. Congratulations. What a blessing he is!

  19. Thank you for sharing your experience with us! I could feel your emotions and you were stronger than I would have been through it all. You are blessed with a beautiful baby and a a beautiful family!

  20. I’m so happy to hear you are finally home. I had been reading what you had been going through and kept sending positive vibes. So happy for you. Congratulations!!!! Grayson is absolutely adorable and your older son and daughter look so happy with him. Congratulations to Mr. Pink too 🙂

  21. Congratulations! Grayson is a beautiful baby! What a scary situation that was. I’m so glad all went well. I am 21 weeks along and couldn’t imagine what you went through. Good to hear from you again.

  22. I’ve been thinking about you and your family. Thank you for the long post and beautiful pictures. I am so glad that Grayson is now “In the Pink” … much as we like blue baby things, blue does not belong in your baby’s cheeks! No more of that scary stuff, okay, Baby Grayson? Hugs to you and mr. Pink too for bringing into this world another bit of its excellent future. We’re looking forward to hearing more about your parenting fun!

    Fondly,
    Ellen CardMonkey
    .

  23. Sarah, I am in tears as I read this and now right my comment! What amazing journaing – this is a story to treasure. and to pass on to your children when they are having their own children!
    I am so happy you had such amazing support, not only from Mr. Pink and your family and close friends, but that you could feel the support and love we in the crafting/ blogging world were sending to you!
    Greyson is ADORABLE and no doubt the most loved little guy around!
    CONGRATULATIONS!

  24. Sarah and family…..first: Happy Birthday Grayson!!!! Great work with him and those pictures of him, almost look like a baby doll! He is so perfect!!!!! Get some rest and congratulations again!!!!!!

  25. I was wondering what was happening…no posts for so long. Congratulations on your new addition. Prayers are sent your way for a strong, healthy recovery for both of you. Enjoy your family time.

  26. Oh, I’m so happy for you all. Grayson Is Adorable!!! Love all of his hair and that picture of him in the boat is the cutest thing ever. Thanks for Sharing your story(You made me cry). Congratulations to you. :0)

  27. Thanks for sharing such a Beautiful part of you….He is Precious and yes…Prayers do work. You have a beautiful family and may the lord always cover you(family). Grayson is a sweet little angel…
    Enjoy and God Bless,
    Migdalia

    P.S. I think JESSICA is AMAZING!! Love her!

  28. Congrats Mommy. He is adorable. Lovin all that hair. What a cute pic of him in the boat. You take all the time you need for healing and enjoy your new gift from GOD. Give him and huge hug and kiss from me.

    Hugs and Love
    Nana

  29. He is beautiful! Congratulations to all of you! I know you are on an emotional roller coaster (love those hormone changes eh?) but what you went through would have turned all of us into a manic mess. Ya’ll did good. Now, just breathe and enjoy baby Grayson. See you back when you’re up to it.

  30. As I’m reading with tears in my eyes I’m thinking what a lucky little guy Grayson and your whole family are to have such strong and loving parents. And yes I think strong, you stayed by his side even when you couldn’t hold him I am sure he could feel you both there. And breaking down crying doesn’t show weakness it shows how much you care. I don’t think you and Mr.Pink have anything to worry about you guys are the best…just look around and see what you have already accomplished. Congratulations!

  31. What a stunningly beautiful baby boy Grayson is! Congratulations to you all! I’m so sorry you had such a difficult time at the beginning, but now you are all home and there is nothing wrong with holding that precious baby as much as possible to make him and yourselves feel safe and comfortable and HOME! Many blessings to you and your beautiful family!

  32. He is just darling, congratulations to you and your beautiful family. I hope you are resting and cuddling as much as possible.

  33. He is beautiful Sarah! I love all your precious photos – great for scrapbooking! When I look at this I am reminded of that photo on facebook – “I’m so crafty I make people” 🙂 So happy for you!!

  34. Honey, even tho I knew much of what happened it is still heart wrenching to read! I am SO GLAD you guys are home, comfortable and SAFE!! My LOVE for an eternity! Ohhhh HOW I love the photos of Jax and Alexis holding Grayson! I can’t wait to give them (AND YOU) kisses and hugs for everyone you went through! I am so glad your family was able to jump in! You are the strongest woman I know Sarah! I love you sweetie.

    Jess

  35. He is beautiful! I told you everything would work out….been in the NICU and I know how terrifying it can be! Enjoy and hopefully do lots of memorable scrap book lay outs!

  36. Congratulations Sarah and all on such an adorable little boy. Sorry you had such a difficult time initially but the blessings that flow outweigh all the stormy parts.

  37. So happy you and the baby are safe. Thanks for the long and much appreciated post about your ordeal. I am a pediatric intensive care nurse… if you have any questions feel free to email me 🙂 You will do just fine and so will he… but I bet at this point you understand that a little better.. You are definitely blessed! Congratulations 🙂 Kathi

  38. Oh my gosh Sarah I am so sorry you had to go through this.
    Hold your son as much as you need to.
    Hug him. Kiss him. Snuggle him. He needs it as much as you do.
    I couldn’t hold my daughter much for her first week and that was heartbreaking. She is now a healthy, happy 24 yr. old.
    Thank you for sharing your story.
    Congrats to you and your family!
    D~ dmcardmaker (AOL)
    http://designsbydragonfly.blogspot.com

  39. Your story has me almost in tears. What a blessing it is to have him home with the family and healthy. Grayson is beautiful! Congratulations!

  40. I am so glad you and Grayson are finally home. I have said soooo many prayers for your family since I first emailed you and learned you had had the baby. God is GREAT and works miracles. Proof is in the pictures you have shown us. Grayson is adorable as are your other children. I am so happy for you and know you need time to adjust.

  41. You have been on my mind since you went on bedrest. So happy to hear that you are all well and home together. He is beautiful. I know it was a struggle but this gift will last a lifetime. Thanks for sharing all the news with us your crafting family.

  42. Baby Grayson is a beautiful baby. i read your blog and felt your emotions. So glad he is home and held constantly…… God bless you all.

  43. Congratulations on your adorable baby. So thankful that everything is alright and that you are both home and doing O.K.

  44. So glad he is home! He is simply adorable! God Bless all of you! Take your time getting back, your family needs you!

  45. So happy to hear Grayson is home! I cry easily so am not surprised to get tears, while reading your posting. I cannot imagine all that you went thru—the ups and downs are so hard. Prayers work—there were a lot of prayers for all of you. Bless you all as you get on with regular life!

  46. Wow!! You guys have been through sooo much. But looking at that sweet little boy, I think it was all worh it. Congrats to you all, and hang in there Sarah you of all people can do it!!

  47. I am SO SORRY for your trial Sarah but so happy things are going well now! What a roller coaster – I appreciate you sharing such beautiful, scary, personal and sacred moments – I was touched by them and will give my kiddos extra holding and hugs today!
    You are an inspiration!
    My prayers and thoughts continue to be with you all!
    bunches of love
    Noelle

  48. Congrats to you and your family!!! Grayson is absolutely adorable. I’d be holding him all day too :).

  49. Grayson is so beautiful! Your experience brought tears to my eyes. I’m praying for your continued blessings and so glad you’re home with your family and new son.

  50. You have such a beautiful family! Congratulations on your newborn. I just love the name Grayson. May God continue to watch over your family!!

  51. What a miracle! There is so much that I take for granted in life and having healthy children is one of those things. May God bless you and your family!

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